and she was petting her beer can
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
