I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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