No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
