I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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