Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
