It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
