i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Text me some of your sweat
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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