Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
