you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
