How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
