I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
