So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
