Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
