Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
