ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
