i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
