How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
