You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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