sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Randomize
