She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
