I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
