Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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