one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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