She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
