she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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