I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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