Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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