WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
