his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
