i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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