I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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