I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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