the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
