Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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