i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize