so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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