Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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