Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
