You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
