4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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