I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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