When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So much Jack, so little girl.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
