Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
