Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
