she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
