I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
