Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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