I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
