Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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