So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
