NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
