I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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