Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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