We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
