and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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