O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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