jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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