Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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