highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
