Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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