so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
