I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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