After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
